he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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