Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
