That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
