You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
