Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
