i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
