The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
