i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
