I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'