Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?