my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE