Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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