like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.