You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.