i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.