I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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