Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
