just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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