After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
