Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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