I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
