Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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