Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
