Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its liver damage thursday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
