How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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