did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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