I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
