I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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