the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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