I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
