dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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