dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
