I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
