roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
