do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
