i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
