you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
