I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
