i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
