Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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