He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
