3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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