did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
