You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
