Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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