covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
