When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
