do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
