if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
