he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
