just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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