for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
