I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
