using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
