Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
