So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
