i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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