I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I party with great urgency now.
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