Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
