he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
