All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
