Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
