I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ketchup is God's man juice
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
