u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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