Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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