Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
