When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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