I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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