You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
