Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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