Plan B is the new Plan A
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
