Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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