Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
