What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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