my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
