I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
