I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
