I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
